missing you

it started last wed,the first thing that pop out of my head was her.(oh before i forget, this entry is not about pau, baka mamaya siya na naman ang maisip eh) I really don't know, maybe its because of the song or maybe, its quite a while since we last talked to each other.By the way she is now working in Singapore, she has been there for almost a year now. The last message she sent me was last August, I told her I just thought of sending her a message.After that she did not replied.I guess she was busy working, and I busy with my own life.But last Wednesday was kind of weird. I was really thinking of her the whole day. Even at the time when Pau texted me about closure and all, I gave a short thought about it, but did not bother after my friends told me not to reply anything. After an hour of giving thought to what Pau texted, I began thinking about her again.I really do miss her.I dont know maybe because I never met a woman so vibrant and spunky as her.Like what a friendster survey asked: "anong gusto mo yung makulit o masungit?yung madaling magalit o pakialamera" I thought I can have all that attitude with one person, and that is her. The song chasing cars runs through my head all the time. Im getting confused until i thought about what's happening and why am I thinking about her until I realized some things.

I never imagined what I have been missing out for the last four years of my life.I was so stuck in my past while everyone around me is moving forward.I was so busy fixing and making my life right for pau, hoping that she will be back. Everything was planned, even stopping some feelings for other people. I was so busy putting things in order for someone who's just there to ruin it all again, that I never thought that other people maybe worthy of my love and attention. That other people who are far better than her. I may have loved her way back, but was just afraid of pau coming back and I wont handle the situation. I could have returned everything she was giving me but I was held back by a promise. And now she's so far away from me...and all I have are memories...memories that will always be remembered but no power to put the things where I want them to be

Right at this moment, I may have love her at that time but was afraid...and with this learning tonight maybe it's so right that I have started my life again...not being chained with my past.Today I learned that people should not be afraid of changes...that being afraid would only lead you nowhere so might as well risk and enjoy life, for life is indeed happy, and we should choose to be happy and fight for it.